Aruna Soso's Sad Story

I recently got this sad, sad e-mail. I'd like to share it with you before I hit the "spam" button. Interspersed will be my comments.

Dear Friend,
As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I
believe everyone will die someday.

Well, that's just your belief. Not everyone agrees with that. In fact, I was speaking to Odin the other day (the Norse god) and he said that he will never die, at least not until Ragnarok. So, who knows?

My name is Aruna Soso I am a merchant of Omani nationality but presently residing in london.
I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer .It has defiled all forms
of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to
live, according to medical experts.

I'm sorry about your cancer. I'm not sure why it has "defiled" medical treatment. In this context it's a transitive verb, which means that it has corrupted the medical treatment (with a religious connotation so that it's like it committed sacrilege). In that case, apparently the disease doesn't share your belief system either, and maybe it doesn't believe you will die either.

I have not particularly lived my life
so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself)but my
business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always
hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.

But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more
to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.I
believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.

Wait, have you already spoken to him? Is he giving you another chance? Sweet! How much did you have to pay him for that?

Now that God has called me,

Like, on the phone?

I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends.I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the Oman, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly,I cannot do this myself anymore.

So, apparently giving away money is harder than sending an e-mail. Who knew? I figured that if you say "Hey, free money!" then people come flocking.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of eighteen million dollars18,000,000 that I have with a finance/Security Company in europe.I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatche it to charity organizations.
I have set aside 20% for you and for your time.
God be with you.
Aruna Soso.

Kindly Reply to my private box: aruna_soso@myway.com

Wow! 20% of 18 million. That's like, some number that's so high I can't even count. I'm glad you picked me, Aruna Soso, to help you distribute your money. I'm sure you chose me because of my excellent . . . reputation . . . or something.