What Is Best in Life?
Review by joanismylover, the third metal attorney.
"Who are you?" Heavy. Doom. Stoner. "Conan" Riffs. Head nods. "I have heard of you". Heavier. Cooler. More riffs. Bigger head nods. "I will have my own kingdom." Kingdom of doom. Kingdom of stones. Kingdom of metal. "My own queen." Queens of the age of stone. Boulder sized riffs crashing down a mountain. "Valor pleases you, Crom." Waves of riffs, of riffs, of riffs crushing the stones. "Where is the eye of the serpent?" A pile of bricks. "We won again!" Heavier than a heavy thing. A heard of buffalo falling off a cliff. "That is good." Stampeding and stomping elephants. Like a ten ton hammer. Riffs. Gigantic. Huge. "But what is best in life?" Black death dark blood of riffs. "The Open Steppe." Wide expanses of heavy as fuck. Heavy as shit. Heavy as a fleet of garbage trucks. "Falcon at your breast. Wind in your hair." Wooly mammoths. All the hippopotami in Africa. The brontosaurus family.
"WRONG!" A heard of buffalo falling off a cliff onto stampeding and stomping elephants. Like a ten ton hammer of gigantic huge riffs dropping on a fleet of garbage trucks and heard of wooly mammoths. Heavy as fucking shit. "Crush your enemies." Heaviest and coolest riffs of the kingdom of stoner doom metal. Queens of the age of stones with boulder sized riffs crashing into waves of riffs, of riffs, crushing the stones. "See them driven before you." Heavier than shit and the heaviest thing. "Hear the lamentation of their women!" A heard of buffalo and all the hippopotami in Africa falling off a cliff onto stampeding and stomping elephants and a brontosaurus family with a ten ton hammer of gigantic huge riffs dropping on ten heavy as fucking shit garbage trucks.
"I live, I love, I slay, and I am content."
4.5 out of 5 stars
[This sounds awesome! --FMA]
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