Intöxicated: Röck 'n Roll Hellpatröl (2013)

Putting the ö in Röck ‘n Roll

Check out this poorly-drawn, leather jacket-wearing wolfman on a motorcycle in front of a building labeled “Whore House.” The band is named Intöxicated, and they called their album Röck ‘n Roll Hellpatröl. At this point you may be wondering whether this is a real thing or just a parody. There is no question it is both: It’s the real deal, and an over-the-top self-parody. If you don’t already want to buy it, then I don’t know if we can be friends.

So, you can pretty much guess what they sound like. Speed metal, like early Motörhead before they started adding in a ballad to every album. They’re German, so as you might expect it has less bounce to the rhythm and less nuance to the vocals. But it is, if anything, even more raunchy than “Jailbait.” The real question is whether they’re good enough to live up to that album cover.


Fuck yes, they are. Halfway through my first listen on this, I e-mailed a co-worker with the subject line “you have to check this out.” He concurred that it is, indeed, awesome, but questioned the lack of umlauts on the “Roll.” In my humble opinion, that would have been excessive. Insightful as he is, he asked about the lyrics. A choice cut:

Come on you little slut
I’ll fuck you in the butt
--“Metal Porno Slut”

Or, this gem:

It’s better to masturbate
Than suffering for love
--“Suffering for Löve”

I have a couple very small problems with this. The sound is just plain off on two tracks (“Slutanic Speedmetal” and the cover of “The Chase Is Better Than the Catch”), but not so much that it’s bothersome. More importantly, the Vincent Price sound clip that opens the record doesn’t match the mood at all.

OK, forget those quibbles. As soon as you order this one, let’s get intöxicated together.

The Verdict: 4 out of 5 stars



Hells Headbangers

(The album releases May 14.)