Abigail: Intercourse & Lust (1996)

Tentacle Rape by Chthonic Venom Worshipers

As I was listening to Abigail's Intercourse & Lust, I had no idea it was 18 years old. Speed metal is evergreen. This is true to the purest ethos of the backpatch-on-jean-jacket set.

This reissue has new cover art, from the band's native Japan. Believe it or not, I looked up the Wikipedia page for tentacle porn a while back and found that this is a print by Hokusai (of dorm poster of a wave fame) and an early example of tentacle porn. I bet you thought that didn't exist until the 1990's, but here's indisputable proof that Japan is weirder than you ever imagined. But it's weird in more than just the way the popular culture depicts. And thus, it is home to some of the most badass of metal, straightforward yet twisted to an extreme.

Principality of Hell: Fire & Brimstone (2014)

Back Patch Territory

I’m just guessing that if you went to see Principality of Hell, you’d probably see a lot of dudes with back patches in the crowd. Call it a hunch, but this is just the kind of bread-and-butter tr00/kvlt/underground metal that I associate with cut-off denim vests. Debut Fire & Brimstone is coming out August 18 on W.T.C. Productions.

There’s simply nothing new here, but there’s not supposed to be. But it does happen to represent a list of all the things considered most cred-worthy in 80’s metal, so let’s go down the list and check off a few boxes.

Chapel: Satan's Rock 'n' Roll (2012)

Why is Canada so awesome?

Review by joanismylover, the third metal attorney.

"Why is Canada so awesome?" This is the question I want all three of my children to ask in their teen years so they are less disappointed when we ship them off to the frozen white north for "university." So that we can have a carefree retirement, this U.S. heavy metal citizen intends to leverage his wife's Canadian citizenship to subsidize their children's higher education. We have laid the foundation for this question to be asked by saying outrageous things like, "Kids get free ice cream in Canada." (Long pause). "Whenever they want it." (Turn head, pinky to lip). Perhaps a new way to elicit the question is to let them, in those impressionable teenage years, listen to Chapel's Satan's Rock 'n' Roll.

Promiscuity: Basic Instinct (2013 EP)

Where Is Hells Headbangers?

Within the broader milieu of all things metal, there are those who have an ethos which rejects the dominant paradigms of our age. They think rape, misogyny, and decapitation are hilarious things. Also, they would sooner kick you in the balls and spit on you than use pompous words like “milieu,” “ethos,” or “paradigm.” In other words, they’re even more metal than Brian Posehn.

These people are embodied in the Hells Headbangers roster, and in the Israeli band Promiscuity. Promiscuity made a notable splash after a review on Invisible Oranges not too long ago, and their newest EP (which can be had for nothing) continues in the tradition of Venom and Hellhammer. Ugly, brutal, and with a whole lot of echo on the primal grunting vocals. Plus, Celtic Frost cover. Very nice.

In ten years, HHR will release a double-LP compilation of the band’s entire catalog. Bet on it.

The Verdict: 4 out of 5 stars

Shitfucker: Suck Cocks in Hell (2013)

Classy

Well, it finally happened. Congress fucking screwed up in a big way, leading to the first government shutdown in 17 years.

Are you tired of all the juvenile, petty assholes in Washington playing games with real people's lives? It's time for something a bit classier. It's time . . . for Shitfucker.

The Michigan-based band has been kicking around for the last 8 years, but the exquisitely titled Suck Cocks in Hell is their first full-length. It's not the kind of music that demands, you know, an extensive critical analysis. The intro and outro sound a little like Menace Ruine (and I'm pretty sure the latter is the former backmasked). The rest is some of the raunchiest speed metal I've heard in a hell of a long time, and it's infectious.

Metal Briefs: Clearing the Docket #3

Slacker

There are a whole lot of records that have been sitting on my iPod for far too long now. It's time to clear the docket.

Ranger: Knights of Darkness (2013)
4 out of 5 stars

Ranger's Knights of Darkness will cause spontaneous horn-throwing. I'm not kidding. This is catchy speed metal, played with enthusiasm (a necessity) and competence (a nice touch), with loads of short solos and more than a few falsetto screams. If Venom could play their instruments back in 1982, they might have sounded like this.

Intöxicated: Röck 'n Roll Hellpatröl (2013)

Putting the ö in Röck ‘n Roll

Check out this poorly-drawn, leather jacket-wearing wolfman on a motorcycle in front of a building labeled “Whore House.” The band is named Intöxicated, and they called their album Röck ‘n Roll Hellpatröl. At this point you may be wondering whether this is a real thing or just a parody. There is no question it is both: It’s the real deal, and an over-the-top self-parody. If you don’t already want to buy it, then I don’t know if we can be friends.

So, you can pretty much guess what they sound like. Speed metal, like early Motörhead before they started adding in a ballad to every album. They’re German, so as you might expect it has less bounce to the rhythm and less nuance to the vocals. But it is, if anything, even more raunchy than “Jailbait.” The real question is whether they’re good enough to live up to that album cover.

Striker: Armed to the Teeth (2012)

Lives Up to the Cover Art

Review by Metallattorney. He is the law.

I took one look at that cover art and knew that I absolutely had to check this one out. It is an animated skeleton of a carnivorous dinosaur, can not tell which one, possibly a tyrannosaurus. But the skeleton is equipped with two machine guns on its arms and a mini gun on its back. It is seriously awesome.

So the album art definitely grabs attention, but the music really keeps it. An album is disappointing if the music does not live up to the artwork on the cover. Luckily Striker is not a disappointment. This is Canadian speed metal, very much in the vein of Exciter and other underground bands from the Great White North. The music is certainly energetic and fast-paced and it is almost impossible not to find your self keeping time with it.

Joel Grind's Yellowgoat: The Yellowgoat Sessions (2013)

Holocausto Toxico

Review by Metallattorney. He is the law.

I am not really sure what this session is that is referred to in the above title. Joel Grind is the mastermind behind Toxic Holocaust, which is a band I particularly enjoy due to its mix of thrash and early punk, calling to mind Hellhammer, Bathory, and Venom. This Yellowgoat project is not considerably different than Toxic Holocaust although it tends to settle more on the speed metal/hard rock stylings of Motorhead, which of course was a big influence on the earlier-named bands. So I am not really sure what to say to introduce this recording. It's basically Toxic Holocaust but with a different name.

I suppose the major distinction between this release and the more recent Toxic Holocaust albums is that this has a little bit more of a rock 'n roll vibe to it. It grooves and swings a bit more than previous albums. Is that enough to distinguish entirely from Grind's other big project? Who knows? But at least it is something of a distinction rather than saying that this is a Joel Grind project with a different name but the same sound.

Demona: Metal Through the Time (2012)

It’s Speed Metal

Let’s talk about genre for a minute.

I know, you’re probably sick of this endless, ridiculous debate. On the one hand, you have people who hate classification of music in any form, and on the other, you have the people who want to explain the ins and outs of Eastern European psychedelic pirate metal. (I’m a lot closer to the second camp.) But wherever you fall, you have to admit that some genre identifiers are more useful than others. Take black metal, for instance. If both classic Darkthrone and recent Wolves in the Throne Room are equally described by the same two words, then it cuts a pretty broad swath. On the other hand, there’s speed metal. That’s a pretty specific genre. Stray too far in one direction, you become thrash metal; a little further left and you’re black metal; if you pull back too far, then you’re just plain heavy metal.

Which brings us to the subject of Demona. Demona is a speed metal band. That tells you a lot of what to expect, right there.

Metal Briefs: Up the Irons!

Iron: The Original Black Metal

Briefs by joanismylover, the third metal attorney.

Iron “is the most common element (by mass) forming the planet Earth as a whole, forming much of Earth's outer and inner core. . . Iron metal has been used since ancient times.” Add the right amount of carbon, and iron “produces steel, which may be up to 1000 times harder than pure iron.” These “[s]teels and low carbon iron alloys … are by far the most common metals in industrial use, due to their great range of desirable properties and the abundance of iron.”*

So too is “Iron” the most common word in my iTunes metal library, a search of which results in six different artists, 39 different albums, and a whopping 420 songs. Certainly, iron has been employed “since ancient [metal] times” being wielded to all time heavy metal thunder perfection by Iommi and co way back in 1970 – “Iron Man” practically started it all.

And now, thanks to the FULL METAL ATTORNEY, I have three more Iron Bands: Iron Curtain, Iron Dogs, and Iron Kobra. Certainly these bands recognized that Iron is “by far the most common [of the] metals in [] use, due to their great range of desirable properties.” And we get some great, some desireable, and some that need work in this range of Iron metal products.

Let’s start with the great. Iron Curtain hail from Spain and play straight up heavy metal. There’s nothing new on "Road to Hell", and that’s the point. Releases like this live and die by how well they execute. How well they execute is usually a byproduct of how much they love what they are doing. Iron Curtain love what they are doing. They are doing it well. I will play “Taste My Whip”, “Scream & Shout”, “Black Fist” and “Marshall Law” over and over as much for their clever word play as for their memorable choruses and ripping solos. “Road to Hell” is the best produced of these three and Iron Curtain don’t waste that production with pointless intros or interludes. They were “Ready to Strike” and get to the point. A lesson many bands would do well to heed. 4 out of 5 stars.

Paragon: Force of Destruction (2012)

Take-No-Prisoners Power Metal

This is only the second power metal review on the site this year. You know how much we like power metal in general, but this album is approved by Metallattorney. He is the law.

If I had to think of one genre that Germany is particularly well-known for in the metal world, I would probably have to pick power metal. Not to suggest that other genres are not done well, obviously I am a huge fan of German thrash, but the country really produces a lot of good power metal bands. And not the overly flowery types like Sonata Arctica, real power metal. With groups like Helloween, Blind Guardian, Grave Digger, and Running Wild among others, Germany is definitely a hotbed for power metal.

Paragon is a German power metal band that has apparently been around for more than 20 years but has heretofore escaped my notice. I do not seem to be alone in this respect as a cursory glance at their discography on the Encyclopedia Metallum indicates only one or two reviews for most of their full-length albums. This is the band's first release on a more recognizable label.

Venom: Black Metal (1982)

30th Anniversary
Motion for Reconsideration

Venom is one of the most influential metal bands in the genre’s history, only slightly less important than Black Sabbath and Motörhead. I don’t believe that’s a controversial statement. Venom took the simplicity of both of their forebears to its logical extreme, playing music and putting out albums while barely knowing how to play their instruments. They combined Sabbath’s preoccupation with the occult and Motörhead’s speed and attitude, taking on an evil persona themselves.

The legendary Black Metal came out 30 years ago today. All of their first three records are equally important, but only Black Metal had a new genre named for it. That’s not to say it’s actually a black metal record, because it’s not. I believe that is a controversial statement, but about half of you would likely agree. The other controversial statement I’m going to make is, overall, the record isn’t that great.

Midnight: Complete and Total Hell (Compilation 2012)

Drunken Debauchery Metal

Guest review by Metallattorney. He is the law.

Midnight is a band that I have been wanting to check out for quite a long time, but for some reason I never really got around to it. Midnight is pretty much the prototypical Hell's Headbangers band, besides the mighty Nunslaughter of course. They pay tribute to a lot of the early black metal bands while remaining firmly rooted in the NWOBHM and speed metal.

Metal Briefs: Unsigned in 2012

I often wonder why people come here. There are probably some who like to read my reviews of the better-known releases. But I think most of you are more interested in the lesser-known. This is all about that.

The Ash Eaters: Ruining You (2012)
3.5 out of 5 stars

Hot on the heels of their fantastic Ibn Ghazi EP, The Ash Eaters have hit us with Ruining You, their first full-length. All five songs are entirely instrumental exercises in Umesh Amtey's distinctive, hypnotic riffing style. When I reviewed the EP, I made a point about how the band has mastered the EP format, and made music so engaging that it doesn't need vocals. However, I'm sad to say this is the first time the band has (slightly) disappointed me. Ruining You doesn't seem as adventurous as Ibn Ghazi, lacking such weird, subtle experiments as the choral backing vocals of "These Are the Inhabitants of the Fire." The lack of vocals is also a much tougher sell at 40 minutes instead of 13. Though it's by no means unpleasant, or even dull, it's just not on the same level as The Ash Eaters' shorter releases.

Sabbat: Sabbatrinity (2011)

Haiku

Sigh is ever strange.
Boris plays every style.
Sabbat will just rock.



(The Verdict: Four out of five stars.)

Buy Sabbatrinity

Metal Briefs: Bandcamp, Part 5

The Dirty Rockin' Demo Edition

This edition of the Bandcamp series celebrates demos that are the antidote to the overpolished turds that get so much attention from mainstream metal press.

Throw the Goat: Demo Primero (2011)

California rock band Throw the Goat contacted me about their demo, aptly named Demo Primero. They're not a metal band, but I think they'll appeal to you anyway. It's hard rock with plenty of punk influence, played fast and loose. There's a little bit of Misfits in here (check the chorus on "Too Late"). How can you possibly go wrong with that? It's pure fun, and absolutely free. I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

Cut the Crap v. Coming Out

Clearing the Docket

v.

I was recently treated to releases from two very old-school metal bands that impressed me a great deal. (You can get them free, too.) Since in the past I was critical of the retro metal movement, it made me think hard about what it is that I like about these records that I don't like about many others.

First up, I'm going to talk about the UK's Amulet. Cut the Crap is their four-song demo released in 2011, and it demonstrates that they are a band that does everything the way I think it should be done. They play a style of doomy heavy metal that goes back to the basics, in an unselfconscious and completely honest way. Their vocalist is good, and does his work in a straight-forward way. The production is a bit hazy, but the mix is great, with the instruments taking precedence over the vocals. Most of all, they have good riffs, and good solos.

Obscure Bands: Promiscuity

Israel's Promiscuity performs filthy, raw speed metal in the proudest and most disgusting tradition. Think Venom, and you'll have a pretty good idea of what they're doing. Their demo Infernal Rock N' Roll is for pay-what-you-want (or $5 cassette) on their Bandcamp page (link at the bottom of the interview). I had a chance to ask them a few questions about ugly metal in Israel.

FMA: Who is Promiscuity, and how did the band get started?

Werewolf: The lineup is Butcher (vocals+axe), Dekapitator (drums) and myself on bass. It started because of my urge to write some primitive and ugly riffs and lyrics and started to take real shape when Butcher joined forces with me.

The collaboration with Butcher was just inevitable - he is the only like-minded Metalhead I know within a radius of minimum 50km and I couldn't have any doubt about his great writing and playing skills after having heard his 1-man Death Metal project MORBID TENDENCY.

Once Dekapitator agreed to help us as a drummer, it didn't take long until "Infernal Rock N' Roll" was recorded. Dekapitator lives around half a country away from us (which is not really too far, but does make things more complicated) and plays in other bands, so he isn't involved in the writing process, but that works just perfectly for the 3 of us.

FMA: Some people have a hard time thinking about a band from Israel without letting politics get in the way. What do you have to say to them?

Werewolf: "Some people have a hard time thinking" - I couldn't agree more, this phenomenon is very common nowadays, which is very sad! But they aren't worth my time, just like I guess they think that I'm not worth theirs, eh?

Butcher: I would tell them - FOAD!