Monday, June 13, 2005

Old Motörhead Videos

On Saturday I watched Motörhead’s video for the song “Killed By Death,” from their release Deaf Not Blind (I’m not sure the year of release). Anyway, it was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. Classic 80’s beginning: a girl dresses like a slut and her dad tells her she can’t go out. But then, Lemmy comes to save the day, by driving a motorcycle through the wall. Hell yes! But that’s not the best part. The cops catch Lemmy in the video and put him in the electric chair, and then it goes to his funeral, with everyone standing around over the grave and laying flowers on it. At this point, you expect him to rise from the grave and freak everyone out, and Lemmy does not disappoint—but he rises from the grave by driving his motorcycle out of it. That’s right. Let me repeat it: he drove his motorcycle out of the grave. If that is not the coolest thing you have ever even conceptualized in your mind, then you must be taking some very strange drugs.

I would put this video up against any of today’s videos (including Black Label Society’s “Suicide Messiah,” which is also cool because they ride around on choppers and the video doesn’t make any sense with all the freaky steel helmets and contortionist girls).

I also watched Motörhead’s video for “Hellraiser,” which was apparently on the soundtrack for the movie Hellraiser III. In this one, Lemmy sat down for a game of cards with Pinhead, and once the Ace of Spades comes up on Lemmy’s side, you know he’s going to win. Then I think he flips Pinhead off, and Pinhead’s scared of him. You know, if I was some crazy demon bastard like Pinhead, Lemmy Kilmister would be one of the few people I’d be scared of. Him, Zakk Wylde, Glenn Danzig, King Diamond, Ozzy, Kerry King of Slayer, and Kurt Russell. That’s the whole list.

In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion that Lemmy Kilmister just might be the coolest man ever to walk the earth (runners up being Machiavelli, Kurt Russell, and Jesus). Even though he’s the one of the ugliest bastards in the world with that huge freaking wart, you know he’s going to have his way with your daughter (regardless of whether she has reached the age of consent). He gambles, not caring whether he wins, and he rides around on motorcycles (driving them out of graves no less). Not that this is a good thing, but he also has enough meth in his system to kill about six horses (and he used it before it was “cool”).

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