Sunday, April 08, 2012

Zwartplaag: Haatstorm (2010)

Acme Theatrical Haat Co.

Bugs' Bonnets is an excellent Looney Tunes short wherein a truck carrying costume hats loses all its contents in the wind. The hats land on Bugs Bunny or Elmer Fudd, dramatically altering the way they behave, changing them to gangster, cop, judge, mobster, soldier, Pilgrim, Indian, bride--whatever.

Haatstorm is a concept album based on that. You might think that's a pretty left-field idea for a black metal album, but if you think about it . . . OK, so this intro is a lie. I only wish it were true. I actually have no idea what it's about.

Zwartplaag's first full-length is the last of the four albums submitted to me by Heidens Hart. I liked the other three. This record simply has nothing to offer. They play plain-old black metal without any twist to the formula. The riffs are uninteresting and forgettable. The production is all wrong, with over-loud vocals and artificial-sounding drums. The Nargaroth-esque guitar tone doesn't have much impact here, either.

It is exactly the kind of album that gets good reviews from people who think black metal must adhere to a particular formula, and who are more concerned about being trve than being good. That's not me.

So, I thought, why bother to finish it? I issue summary judgment against Zwartplaag.

Heidens Hart Records


  1. That intro very nearly caused me to spit water all over my keyboard.

  2. I aim to please. :)

    I think I need to add something to my disclaimer . . . "Not responsible for damage to your computer caused by your reactions to content." Something like that.