Monday, December 24, 2012

Life Goes On

I was sitting with my dad last night. Or, early morning on the 22nd . . . when it's hard to sleep, dates get messy. He worried that going to sleep after my brother's funeral meant that life goes on without him. God, I'm crying even now thinking about it. But life does go on without him.

My kids still do new, adorable things every day. So does my niece, in her cute Santa Claus outfit. Will Christmas ever be a time of joy again?

You stupid fuck! Didn't you know how much we love you? Didn't you know how much we care about you? Didn't you know the joy my children felt just from being around you?

Stupid, inane Facebook updates . . . shuffleboard, bands, food. Take a stupid God-damned test to find out your elf name, because nothing important is happening in anyone's life right now.

As much as I hate to say it, needing a tissue right now, can't get my head out of my hands and can't see the stupid fucking computer screen . . . life is going on. Someone has a baby announcement. Hope your baby doesn't commit suicide some day and leave the rest of the family to pick up the pieces. I know that's unfair, but I fucking hurt.

Yes, Aaron, I would love to try your mincemeat pie, no matter how disgusting it sounds. I just want you to come here for Christmas. Why can't you be here for Christmas? God damn it I miss you.

I need a tissue. I must look disgusting.


  1. sorry man. nothing will ever really make it better. but hopefully you can make your peace with it in time.

  2. Sorry to hear man. Life is a very complicated thing to understand and death more so. I had a friend do this same thing about 3 months ago. No reason or explanation. All we can do is discuss, grieve, and live.