Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Duck

Hi, I’m the duck. What’s that? You think I look like crap? Well, you would too if you’ve been through all the things that I have.
I’ll tell you my story. And when I do, you won’t be surprised that I look this way.
You see, I used to belong to the girl who lived upstairs. But her pit bull (those nasty creatures!) stole me and took me outside. And she abandoned me to the fiend and the elements!

Then she moved out. I sat out in the cold and the rain and the dirt. Only Russell, who I once thought was the noblest of beasts, would come out to play with me. He would pick me up and carry me around the yard, and fling me up in the air only to catch me before I came crashing down. Oh, what fun we had!
Then, she came along.

Look at that detestable thing! Well, the loathsome canine’s mother brought me in and washed me. I endured the soapy whirlpool and the spinning desert in hopes of a better life. In fact, I felt like the Israelites as they wandered for 40 years in the desert, seeking the promised land.
It was then that I found out Russell didn’t care about me.
The two of them, Russell and she, worked together to halfway-decapitate me, spreading my insides across the floor in blatant disregard of the Geneva convention.
Nobody cares about me. They just abuse me, tearing me apart for their own sadistic amusement. I was once a beloved Easter present. But Easter was a long time ago, now, wasn’t it? Now that it’s over, no one cares. No one cares about a duck whose had an eye ripped out by feral things!
Now are you still so cavalier about mocking me for my looks? Have pity on such a poor soul as I!

[Images © 2006 Kelly Hoffart]


  1. Poor Duck. My heart goes out to Duck.

    Our stuffed animal friends can go through a lot. Few people seem to care and that hurts. I knew a Teddy Bear once whose head fell off one day. My daughter became hysterical. Luckily I was able to sew the head back on before Teddy expired.

    Teddy lives today. He's almost forty years old and sitting on a shelf in my daughter's house. If properly cared for, Teddy Bears can have a long shelf life.

    Say, I'm willing to chip in 50 cents toward a new eye for Duck. Where do I send the money?

  2. I think we've abandoned Duck to her fate. (I think it's a she because, as I failed to mention, it originally had a baby duck attached to its belly which, to make the story even sadder, fell off in the dryer.)
    We have a lot of other stuffed animals, most of which are in a box in the closet to prevent them from meeting a similar, gruesome end.

    Of course, if you still want to send me money, it's always welcome, preferably in small, unmarked bills. :)

  3. You abandoned Duck to her fate? Why, she was a prime candidate for Extreme Makeover.

    If you don't mind, I'll just keep my 50 cents under the circumstances.