Wednesday, January 11, 2006

You Might Need a Different Lawyer If . . .

- Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser.
- When the prosecutors see your lawyer, they high-five each other.
- Your lawyer picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
- Your lawyer tells you that he has never told a lie.
- A prison guard is shaving your head.

I got those off my calendar. I'd like to add a few of my own:

- Your lawyer quotes NWA in his opening argument.
- Your lawyer quotes Hitler in his closing argument.
- Your lawyer walks in and sits on the wrong side of the courtroom.
- You have a court-appointed attorney.
- Your lawyer carries a copy of Criminal Defense for Dummies.
- Your lawyer responds to an objection with "That's not what your mom said last night."
- You shared a cell with your lawyer.
- And he called top bunk.
- Your lawyer wears a t-shirt that says "I'm with guilty -->"

Feel free to add more in the comments.


  1. If only law could be reduced down to objections similar to that... what a beautiful world that would be.

  2. "Your lawyer tells you that his last good case was of Budweiser."

    As a beer lover, I object to this statement. Budweiser? Good? HA!

  3. That was funny! Loved it. next time I need a lawyer i'll drop a few of those quips on her/him

  4. I object to your crack about court appointed attorneys, and would like to add the following:

    "...your lawyer was on law review."


    "...your lawyer had to take the Nebraska bar more than twice."