Thursday, December 01, 2005

More Movies I Want to See

Boogie Knights
Starring: Mark Wahlberg
Follows the rise and fall of Galahad the Chaste, Knight of the Round Table by day, porn star by night.

Halloween: H3O
Director: John Carpenter
Starring: Michael Myers
Michael Meyers is back! This time, he’s played by the former Saturday Night Live star.

Law Clerks
Director: Kevin Smith
“I’m not even supposed to be writing this memorandum!” Details all the bad things that happen when the protagonist has to write a memorandum that was assigned to someone else. Jay and Silent Bob hang out around the attorney’s office selling drugs and quoting George Lucas movies.

Twelve Angry Women
Remake of the classic Henry Fonda film. Instead of talking about the facts of the case, they call each other bitches and get into cat fights. (Burn! Take that, fairer sex! If there was ever a good way to get comments on a post, this is it. Now, to figure out how much traffic I have, I just have to multiply the number of flame messages by two.)

You won’t get these unless you study law:

Terminator 4: Summary Judgment Day
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger
The machines send a new, advanced lawyer-bot back in time to sue John Connor. The humans send a reprogrammed robot (Schwarzenegger) back to defend the suit. Both get clothes by suing the pants off of people. The climax of the movie comes when the machines lose on a summary judgment motion because there is no factual issue in dispute (their evidence doesn’t yet exist).

Titles for the next Star Wars trilogy:
Episode 7: The Phantom Mens Rea
Episode 8: The Empire Files Countersuit
Episode 9: Anticipatory Repudiation of the Sith

Rambo: First Blood (remake)
Starring: Sylvester Stallone
This time, instead of getting out of jail on the vagrancy charge and then killing everyone in the forest, Rambo gets a good lawyer and challenges the vagrancy law all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court!

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