Wednesday, October 30, 2013

So, You Want to Do Metal PR

I received a lovely e-mail not too long ago from a lady doing PR. It's simply, just, lovely. This is the whole spiel:
Hello, I came across your website and was very impressed with everything you are doing. It would be an honor if you would consider [this band] (formerly known as [whatever]) for an album review.

[Their] debut, self-titled CD was recorded, produced and mixed by the legendary [somebody] ([he worked with three household names in rock/metal, a famous rapper, and a famous R&B singer). [The band] combines classic hard-rock roots with the creativity and energy of today’s contemporary metal. Their music is heavy and exciting with an abundance of groove and a touch of melody.

[The band] Southern California based metal band that was established in 2012. [The band] consists of [a dude] (Lead Vocals), [another dude] (Guitar), [a dude who shares his name with a guy I went to college with] (Bass) and [another dude] (Drums/Percussion).

I would appreciate if you would give them a listen and let me know what you think.

[Drop Box Link]

Album release date is Jun 25, 2013 and is now available on iTunes, CD Baby, Sound Cloud

I thank you in advance. And if you should need anything else, please do not hesitate to let me know.

Looking forward to your reply.

Best regards,
I remember checking them out because the bass player has the same name as a guy I went to college with, who was into Slipknot at least, so I just wanted to see if it was remotely possible it was him. It wasn't. Anyway, the music was about as weak as you'd expect.

She followed up today and I politely told her it wasn't my bag. She followed up again to see what I was interested in. This is after, as you'll notice, she complimented my blog, as if she had read it. But I thought hey, why not help her out?
Thanks. I am mostly interested in metal, but not like this. A PR spiel for something I'm interested in doesn't say "abundance of groove" and "touch of melody." Metal bands are rarely "established," they tend to be spawned in the darkest recesses of somewhere, or maybe they're simply "formed," but certainly not "established." (No, the spiel did not make my decision for me, but it is telling.) To be quite frank, your pitch is tepid. You sound like you're talking about a nice dinner, not HEAVY METAL. Here are a few choice snippets to illustrate what I'm talking about:

"From the moment the title track explodes in a haze of thrash-flavored aggression to the final mournful passages of epic closer 'Warriors Of The North' there is not a wasted moment, the band bombarding the listener with ten tracks of compulsive and electrifying metallic fury."

"Their sound primarily situated itself within funeral doom, but their ever-unfolding constructions and always-defiant textures encompassed a whole swathe of sonics generally verboten in the funeral doom scene."

"the three nuclear zombies of SHITFUCKER gnarl together ancient blackthrash and toxic hardcore-punk into a blown-out brew bubbling over with disease,"

Of course, it will probably sound forced if you're not actually into it.
I honestly should have just copied and pasted Nathan T. Birk's blurb about Shitfucker. That shit is gold.

But now it's got me thinking, you know--maybe not enough hyperbole around here.

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