Tuesday, October 11, 2005


Khorbin ispired me to go ahead and post some of the ideas that I have for movies that haven't been made, but should. It's something a little more light-hearted when I've been talking about some serious stuff. So, without further ado, I present to you, the first five:

Pulp How-To
Starring: Uma Thurman
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Several interlocking stories teach you how to do things you’d never want to do (such as repairing a beta video player, piercing your own genitals, modifying your car to use Flintstones driving technology, and watching reality TV), simply for the sheer joy of learning them. Slightly better than Pulp Self-Help, and a lot better than Pulp Reference.

Tango & Cash Part II: Doomageddon
Starring: Kurt Russell and Sylvester Stallone
Buddy cop movie in which they fight giant robots and prevent the Apocalypse while making bad jokes and driving an armored SUV armed with machineguns. Explosions abound, with no apparent reason. At the end: freeze frame on a high five between the stars.

There’s Something About Ninjas
Starring: Ben Stiller, Cameron Diaz, Jet Li, & Chao Yun Fat
Stiller and Diaz obsess over the local ninja clan. The actors jump around in the air and make well-choreographed sperm jokes. Add that to music composed by Tan Dun and performed by Yo-Yo-Ma (featuring RZA), and this action-comedy classic is a keeper.

Director: Darron Arnofsky
Sequel to Π. Nerdy guy with antique computers meets Jews and is followed by a black lady, all filmed in black and white. Very good direction, but the plot is lacking.

The one you won't get unless you've studied law:

The Rule Against Perpetuities
Starring: Charleton Heston
Epic that explains the origin of the rule. Spoiler: God said so. That’s the only logical reason.


  1. Way to steal all of my material for the next week! Oh well, I guess I can go with REAL movies, or, barring that, something completely random like usual!

    Luckily I've watched some pretty shitty shit lately. w00t for Frankenfish!

  2. I've had a list of fake movies ongoing since the middle of summer (actually I haven't added anything in over a month). I will post more.